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Glad Midsommar…?

June 25, 2010

^ = Happy Midsummer…?

So I know I’ve been spending a lot of time pointing out how Mum really ought to kiss her “boyfriend” goodbye and get on with her life and not let him hurt her again, and how I’m pissed off at that she keeps returning to him over and over again. Yeah, well, guess what? I don’t think I even have the right to say things like that. You see, I do the same thing with Mum. I keep trying to make us a family again, and it just doesn’t work, and I get sad, but try again and again and again… And yes, this is me emo-ing on Midsummer’s Eve. Because every holiday in this family ends up with me in tears, and I’m sick and tired of it.

My motto in life is to stay happy. Nothing wrong with being sad now and then, I think that’s good for you, but after that, you have to move on and get over it. It might not always be easy, but one should at least try. And Mum really doesn’t seem to give a slightest bit of a tiny effort. She got married to my dad on Midsummer’s Eve, if I remember correctly. Lots of years ago, and they’ve been divorced for… ten years now. Dad probably doesn’t even think about it. Mum spends her day in bed, refusing to talk to anyone.

Now, I know my mum’s not one of those that jumps out of bed singing during holidays, and neither am I. Actually, I have nothing against treating it pretty much like an ordinary day, just maybe with some special food (herring and strawberries, anyone?) and some general happiness. (And well, if it’s Christmas, obviously there’s presents and Christmas trees too.) So that was what I did today. I let her mope through most of the afternoon while I made the food. (I’m getting pretty good in the kitchen, at least if you consider how it used to turn out when I attempted to make something, all burnt and over-cooked and boiled over and stuff… I’m pretty proud. ^^’) Then, when I was done, she was about six PM, I had put flowers on the table and decorated all nicely. The only thing I wanted was some fun time with my mum on Midsummer, some nice conversation and jokes, just like a family should, even if we’re one of those really tiny ones around. (I quote my alter ego Stitch; “It’s little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.” Well, I wish I could quote him, anyway. Though our family is only little and broken, and not good at all. I try, though. I try too bloody much.) So I went into her room and told her that dinner was ready.

She told me she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to eat later.

Deep breath. That was fine. I could live with that. We would just have to put the food in the microwave then, when she felt like eating.

At half past eight, she was still in bed, so I was nice, went out and picked some more, smaller flowers to put in another, smaller vase, and then warmed two plates and carried it on a tray into her room, thinking we could eat in there in her bed. If she was feeling bad, I might as well spoil her a little. We could still have a nice time.

Yeah, apparently not. She wasn’t feeling bad, she was not in a good mood and didn’t wanna talk to anyone. One would think I at least could have gotten an answer as to why she wanted to ruin another holiday for us, but no. I left, had a small, depressing panic attack or whatever it was, and now I’m sitting here, turning to my blog to get it off my chest. This failed holiday ends in about a little more than an hour, and it will then join the long list of disastrous ones I’ve had during the last nine years. Fun, fun times. I knew I should’ve found some friends to go out with instead.

Thank God for Doctor Who tomorrow. ❤ At least I hope it will be good, but from the adorable clip they’ve showed us, it seems Rory comes around, and that’s all that matters in the end, since we already know the Doctor and Amy will survive, or there wouldn’t be another season… Please don’t kill Rory off again.

And how about the new layout and pages, ey? The About Me page is long, which shows how full of myself I really am, I suppose. XD As for the Fanfiction page, I don’t really know what it’s doing there, but I just wanted some place to showcase my babies a little, since I don’t put them up anywhere else. x) I’ll probably add stuff now and then, when I come up with something else I want on those pages. Yeah.

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